friday 26th of november.
it’s a beautiful date.
and a beautiful clear cold atmosphere.
i’m trying to get some peace in my mind.
at my parents place right now.
I got in a horrible fight with my roommate, who described me as a person i’m not and never want to be.
I got my things, and am very glad to be away from him. I can’t believe the things he said.
I just had a good conversation with my father.
He told me that I needed to find peace, and confidence.
I need to step up more, defend myself more.
And above all, find myself, who I really am, what my limits are, and never ever let anyone cross them.
I’m going to try to think about it real hard.
Figure out what I want, where I want to go, what I want to do.

But he told me that right now it’s important for me to take time to grieve about Vince.
He knew Vince aswell, and is also shocked by the happening.
We contacted Vincents parents for condolances and information on the funeral.
At the moment, I don’t feel bad.
Or atleast i think. I feel sort of numbed by the last two days.
The song ‘Forever young’ keeps playing in my head, and memories of Vincent flashes through my mind.
I remember small random stuff.
Like a few weeks ago, he was sitting on my lap outside our bar, and Raanya was sitting next to us.
We were talking about muscles, and tried feeling his, while he tried to push our hands away laughing.
We didnt stop and started tickeling him. He got off my lap and ran inside, while we stayed outside laughing and calling him back.
Or another time, when we were all at the wantij festival ( a festival in Dordrecht, lots of people, live music and fun ) and we were all a little tipsy, but Vince was sort of drunk. We were biking home after the last song played, and he tried to jump on the back of my bike, but fell off like 2 times before he succeeded. 5 minutes later, I heard a bang, my steer took a swing, and the weight of my bike felt a lot lighter.
I looked behind me, and saw him laying on the ground, laughing his lungs out.
We all stopped, and couldnt help but laughing for atleast 5 minutes.
The memories don’t make me smile, but do make me feel good.
Just because he was a lot of fun, and a cool person.

Everyone is mad at him for doing what he did.
I understand, because he left so much pain and questions.
But he had been in pain himself for a long time, and though I would never take this final step, I admire his guts and his strong will to do what he really wanted to do. I’m not saying that its an ‘okay’ thing he did, cause its horrible. But I’m not mad at him.
Life is like a movie sometimes. If you sat awhile, and it sucked every second so far, its logical to think the end wont be better or worthwile. I can understand wanting to walk out early. But I also understand the people who feel like he put a permanent end to a temporary problem, and he had everything still ahead.
But as much as it can be discussed, he’s gone. And it can’t be changed.